THE MARRIAGE COVENANT ===================== Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph. D. Professor of Theology and Church History Andrews University NOTE: In my itinerant ministry around the world I have been made forcefully aware of the increasing number of Adventist broken homes. An important factor contributing to the alarming escalation of divorce among Aadventists is the growing acceptance of the societal view of marriage as a social contract governed by the laws of the land rather than a sacred covenant regulated by the higher moral law of God. Marriage is no longer seen by many Adventists as a sacred covenant witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself, but rather as a social contract that can easily be terminated. It is noteworthy that a study conducted by two sociologists from Ohio State University, Kenneth Chi and Sharon K. Houseknecht, indicates that the rate of divorce among Catholic is three times lower than the national average and about two times lower than in the Adventist church. The reason given is that Catholics have such a deep rooted theological conviction that marriage is an indissoluble, sacremental union that discourages the possibility of divorce. I believe that to counteract the secularization and easy dissolution of marriage, it is imperative for Adventists to recover the Biblical view of marriage as a sacred, life-long covenant. The recovery of this view can help Christians resist the societal trend to consider divorce as an easy solution to their marital problems. To accomplish this objective I spent a year researching the Biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant. My plan is to share on this forum few excerpts from this study, hoping that it will stimulate some meaning discussion and contribute to strengthen the Adventist home. I shall begin by posting three segments (1) THE MARRIAGE COVENANT, (2) THE MARRIAGE COMMITMENT, and (3) THE MARRIAGE COMMANDMENTS> In this first segment we shall consider the importance of a marriage covenant as a real and solid foundation upon which a permanent and happy marriage can be built. The Foundation of Marriage. Marriage is like a house. If it is to last, it needs a solid foundation. The bedrock upon which the foundation of marriage must rest is an unconditional, mutual covenant that allows no external or internal circumstances to "put asunder" the marital union that God Himself has established. This covenantal commitment and conviction that God has united our lives in holy matrimony give us reasons to believe that He will enable us to stay together, even when our marriages appear to be "for worse." It is this covenant foundation that will motivate us to seek God's help in trying again to make successes of our marriages, even when our needs are unfulfilled and our relationships seem to be sterile or sour. It is this covenantal foundation that is often lacking in Christian marriages today. "What is missing in most marriages today," perceptively observes Paul Stevens, "is what the Bible identifies as the heart of marriage: a covenant. Everything is superstructure. Understanding expectations, developing good communication (especially sexual), gaining skills in conflict resolution, discovering appropriate roles or creating new ones, making our marriages fun and free, becoming spiritual friends and sharing a ministry--these are the walls, the roof, the wiring, the plumbing and the heating. They are essential to the whole. But if there is no foundation, they will collapse with the whole building."1 The foundation ensuring the stability and permanence of marriage is the mutual commitment of a couple to cleave to one another "for better and for worse." The Biblical concept of a lifelong, permanent bond between a husband and a wife is quickly becoming an outdated, foreign concept. More and more couples enter the marriage relationship believing that it is terminable. They interpret the promise "Till death do us part" as meaning "Till disagreement or other interests do us part." To resist this societal trend which is undermining the foundation of marriage, we must recover and reaffirm the Biblical view of marriage as a sacred and permanent covenant. Declaring our permanent commitment to each other not only on the wedding day, but periodically throughout our lives (especially on the wedding anniversary and each other's birthday) will help us to preserve our marriage covenant. A covenant marriage is not a relational prison locking a man and a woman into a permanent relationship. It is rather, to quote Paul Stevens again, "an elastic link between two hearts. When they move apart, a tug reminds them they belong. Or, a covenant is a net beneath two trapeze artists. It is a risky business, this high-wire stunt, and they will undoubtedly fall sometime. But the safety net beneath them holds."2 A Covenant of Faith. A marriage covenant is a covenant of faith because no Christian spouse knows for sure how their marriages are going to work out. What spouses can know for sure is whether or not they have solemnly committed themselves before God to a lifelong covenantal partnership in which they shall belong together as long as they both shall live. This covenant can only be made by spouses who share a common faith in God and in His ability to work out His purpose in their marriage. Sharing this common faith provides the courage to believe that God will help us to make our marriages work, even when they seems hopelessly doomed. A Christian couple contemplating marriage needs to determine whether or not they are prepared fully and freely to enter into a lifelong marriage covenant. Discerning covenantal compatibility is more important than determining personal compatibility. When a mutual and strong covenant commitment exists, the possibility of resolving conflicts within marriage also exists. A covenantal marriage is not completely without conflicts. Total commitment to your mate does not eliminate the possibility of tensions, tears, disagreements, impatience, and conflicts. That is the bad news. But the good news is that by the grace of God, no marital conflict is beyond solution. A couple fully committed to God and to one another can rest in the assurance that God will provide the enabling power of His Spirit to resolve conflicts and restore harmony. There are many people legally married today who have never made a covenantal commitments to their spouses. At the time of their legal marriages, some of them were not emotionally mature enough to solemnly make before God that lifelong covenant commitment. Whatever the original reason may have been for failing to enter into a marriage covenant, now is the time to make such a covenant, even if you are experiencing a good marriage. A refusal to make a marriage covenant indicates a flaw in your commitment to your spouse. That flaw is like a tiny crack that can be fatally widened by sinister forces working to destroy marriage. To avoid such a risk, we must recover and reaffirm the Biblical understanding of marriage as a lifelong sacred covenant, witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself. A Covenant Under Attack. Four major social forces today are conspiring to undermine the Biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant, reducing it instead to a temporary social contract governed by civil laws and terminated when it no longer meets the expectations of one or both spouses. Secularism has caused the loss of the sense of the sacred in various realms of life, including marriage. For example, the Lord's Day is no longer viewed by many Christians as a "holy day" but rather as a "holiday," a day to seek for personal pleasure and profit, rather than for the presence and peace of God. Life is no longer sacred for many people, as over 1,500,000 induced abortions are performed every year in the United States alone, besides the countless number of persons killed everywhere by senseless crimes, drugs and violence. Similarly, marriage is no longer regarded by many as a lifelong, sacred covenant witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself, but rather as a temporary social contract, governed solely by civil laws. Humanism teaches that marriage is a human and not a divine institution. Its function is to meet a person's needs: social, sexual, emotional, and financial. Accordingly, when such needs are no longer met, the marriage contract can be legitimately terminated. Selfism tells us that we have the right to reach self-fulfillment, self-sufficiency, and self-development. If marriage becomes a stumbling block to self-actualization, it must be dissolved. Fritz Perls expresses it in this way: "I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. And if by some chance we meet, it's beautiful."3 To resist the various social forces which are conspiring to break apart the marriage covenant, reducing it to a temporary relationship of convenience, Christians must recover and reaffirm the Biblical understanding of marriage as a lifelong, sacred covenant, witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself. To help us understand more fully how to live out the marriage covenant, we shall examine first the nature of its commitment and then the ten commandments of the marriage covenant. ---------------------------------- Christian regards Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph. D., Professor of Theology and Church History Andrews University 4990 Appian Way Berrien Springs, MI 49103 samuele@andrews.edu